When Friendships End

It’s funny how and when things come to mind. While switching over the seasonal clothes in my closet (do others still do that?), a friend from long ago “Bonnie” … (not her real name) came to mind. Back in the day, our lives ran in sync. We were pregnant at the same times, liked the same herb teas, and even went back to college as non-traditional students during the same season in our lives. With everything we did, it seemed were connected at the hip. It was a wonderful friendship. It’s a real heartbreak, then, when friendships end.

What went wrong?

Unfortunately, Bonnie and I also dealt with similar compulsions in our lives at the same time. I filed for divorce to start a new life. I soon began steeping in my dysfunction, not realizing the harm I was causing myself. And as a good (and compulsive) friend, Bonnie came right along. It didn’t take long for her to follow the path I had blazed and she, too, filed for divorce.

Again, she and I were inseparable. We even scheduled our children’s visitation evenings on the same nights so we could go out and enjoy ourselves; paint the town red. Life was our oyster and there was no limit to what was before us. We were two attractive young women looking for attention and enjoying all that we received.

But …

But, as scripture warns, we had enjoyed the “pleasures of sin for a season” but when the season was over our lives began to fall apart. We didn’t recognize that we were spending time with people we never should have met… doing things we never should have done … going places we never should have visited. We were making choices we never should have made.

In the middle of the wallowing in muck and mire that was due to our choices, Bonnie and I severed our friendship. We remained civil with each other, but too many secrets were shared between us. The secrets that once bonded our friendship now carried the potential to do great harm.

Life Moved On

Opportunities led me to relocate from the town where Bonnie and I lived in, and life for me moved on. Years later I found myself on my knees, asking God to take over my mismanaged life. I was humbled and thrilled that his grace had waited for me. From the point, my walk with Christ fills me daily with wonder and awe of how he could love and forgive completely.

I still marvel at God’s grace

A few years ago had the opportunity to return to the area where Bonnie and I lived. Once there, I happened to walk into a fast-food restaurant and saw a young man who I knew immediately had to be Bonnie’s son. His features reflected his parent’s so strikingly that I had to ask if Bonnie was his mother.

Yes, he said, shyly … how did I know her? I vaguely shared how she and I had spent some time together years ago. I gave him my cell phone number and asked him to have his mom call me. I was so excited about having the opportunity to chat with Bonnie. The thought of offering an amend, making it our relationship right, thrilled my heart. I wanted so desperately to share my new life  in Christ with her. We had always been like two peas from the same pod and I knew she would get it, too.

But her return call never came

Her call never came. I thought maybe Bonnie’s son had misplaced my note, so I called her number that I had remembered from long ago. Hearing Bonnie’s recorded voice,  I left my own message asking her to give me a call. I said I had lots to share with her. When I ended the message, I was excited to that I’d soon have the opportunity to tell her of my healing journey.

But again, no call came.

Then it hit me

That’s when reality hit me–she wasn’t going to call.

Just because I had found peace in Christ’s truth didn’t necessarily mean that she had found it, too. I needed to realize that Bonnie had the right to not want to hear my amend; that she had the right not to accept the new and improved me. If she wanted to hang onto her memories of me … that was her right.

Just because I had found peace in truth didn’t necessarily mean that she had found it, too. When friendship ends.

Or maybe she was following Christ and chose to steer clear of chances to be tempted by past sins. Did she see me as an evil reminder?

Both reasons made sense

I have few regrets in my life. I’ve given all the broken parts of my life and watched as he turned it to his glory. But if I had the chance to take anything back … if I could have a do-over … I would fix my relationship with Bonnie. It makes me sad to think that a great friendship ended because of past sins. I miss her still and can only hope she has found the peace in her life as I have found in mine.

But back to my closet and switching out clothes. Seasons … they come and they go.  Another Winter has come to an end and Spring is ready to begin.

Just as it should be.

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What say you?

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