Closer Than Family, Then We Weren’t

Bonnie (not her real name) was my best friend from days long gone by. We were incredibly close; our lives were so in sync. We were pregnant at the same times, liked the same herbal teas, and even went back to college as non-traditional students during the same season in our lives. We were connected at the hip. When one came up with a thought, the other finished it. We had a wonderful friendship–closer than family.

Why We Were Close

Unfortunately, Bonnie and I also dealt with similar compulsions in our lives at the same time. When I filed for divorce to start a new life, she did the same. I began steeping in my dysfunction, not realizing the harm I was causing myself. And as a good (and compulsive) friend, Bonnie came right along.

As we entered another season, she and I were still inseparable. We scheduled our children’s visitation evenings on the same nights so we could go out and enjoy ourselves, painting the town red. Life was our oyster.  We were two young-ish women looking for attention and enjoying all that we received. There was no limit to what was before us.

When Closeness Ends

But, as scripture warns, we enjoyed the “pleasures of sin for a season”.  Slowly our lives began to fall apart as sin filled our lives. Bonnie and I began spending time with people we never should have met, doing things we never should have done … going to places we never should have visited. This, in turn, led to making choices—different choices—we never should made. In the middle of our wallowing in muck and mire that was due to these choices, Bonnie and I severed our friendship. Of course, we remained civil with each other. But the bonds we now shared were our hidden secrets. And these secrets had the potential to be weapons that could do great harm if shared indiscriminately.

Life Moved On

I moved from the area where Bonnie and I lived and as it always does, life moved on. Years later I found myself on my knees, asking God to take over my mismanaged life, and was thrilled that his grace was waiting for me. My walk with Christ began filling me with wonder and awe of how he loved me completely … watched me walk away … then forgave me totally when I changed my course in life and asked for forgiveness.

A few years later I had the opportunity to return to the town where Bonnie and I had lived. While there, happened to I walk into a fast-food restaurant. There. I saw a young man who I knew immediately to be Bonnie’s son; his features reflected his mother’s so strikingly that I had to ask and confirm if Bonnie was his mother. Yes, he said, shyly … how did I know her?

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
Galatians 6:7

I briefly shared how she and I had spent some time together years ago. I gave him my cell phone number and asked him to have his mom call me. I was so excited about having the opportunity to chat with Bonnie. I had been spending lots of healing time in scripture and embracing God’s Word. The thought of offering an amend to my friend thrilled my heart. I wanted so desperately to share my new life with her. We had always been like two peas from the same pod and I knew when she heard me share Christ’s love to her, she’d get it, too.

But her call never came.

How Can This Be?

I thought maybe Bonnie’s son misplaced my note, so I called her number … the same phone number from all those years earlier. No one answered, so I left a message on the voicemail I recognized from years earlier, asking her to give me a call. I had lots to share with her. Wonderful, glorious news of how Christ healed my life.

But again, the call never came. Then I realized it would probably never come. She wanted nothing to do with me.

Those secrets from years ago … the ones Christ freed me from … could they still be controlling her? Just because I found peace in truth didn’t necessarily mean that she found it, too. I had faced demons and shared all my ugly past with the people who mattered—my new husband as well as trusted friends—and experienced a peace that can only come from trusting a God bigger than me.

What happens when you're closer than family, then you aren't? What kills friendship faster than anything? Click To Tweet

I then realized that Bonnie had the right to not want to hear my amend; that she had the right to not accept the new forgiven me. If she wanted to hang onto her memories of me … that was her right.

To this day, it saddens me to think that “sin for a season” had the power to destroy the great friendship that Bonnie and I shared. But it did. Was it my sin, her sin, our sin … who can say? But the truth is, it was sin.

Consequences of Sin

I have few regrets in my life. I have offered everything to God and it has been important that every part of my life be directed to glorify him. Even the ugliest parts. But if I had the chance to take anything back … if I could have a do-over … I would fix my relationship with Bonnie. I miss her and I can only hope that she renewed her relationship with Christ as I have.

Seasons come and go. I was reminded this morning that as one season closes another season begins. It is January, and although it is still cold in Central Pennsylvania, the days are getting longer.  This reminds us that another Winter season will soon come to an end and a fresh Spring season will greet us soon.

Just as it should be.

A Note from Robin
Being transparent isn’t always easy. But it’s necessary to heal. If you need to share the weight of past seasons in your life with someone, please write me.
robin@robinluftig.com

(originally shared 2/21/2012)

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