I need to be honest with you … I’ve been working on a subject for this blog for a couple of weeks, but the topic refuses to cooperate. This is how it’s gone over and over: I think the ideas are coming together just right. I’m feelin’ the flow … feelin’ the love …
then WHAM! Everything just stops.
I regroup, step back and take a breath. I let it sit for a few hours and return to the computer, hoping that a fresh perspective will offer a better view of what I just wrote.
But I get nothin’.
I talk with my husband and my friends, hoping that something in our conversation will align all the stars in what I’m keystroking. I see a glimmer of an idea; maybe THIS will be the glue that pulls it all together. I start writing again … again, feeling the flow, love, yada-yada …
Then WHAM again. Nothin’. I feel like I’m Charlie Brown and Lucy is holding my football with the promise, “Really, Charlie Brown, I won’t pull the ball out from under you THIS time …”
I have 50,000 words sitting on my bookshelf, that looked good in my mind. After writes and re-writes, I’ve decided to leave it there. It’s not mish-mash per se, but it isn’t what was living in my brain, either.
So, to all of those half-written blog posts that are out there in eternal draft format and to all those unpublished manuscript chapters sitting in Staples boxes not getting published … I scream Uncle! (for now)
I cannot force creativity; I can only accept its leading. I cannot pull insightful phrases out of the air when I all I want to do is giggle at the range of colors I see in the font palate.
I enjoy reading. I enjoy writing. I enjoy reading what I write. But if it isn’t flowing, stressing over it will not make it come any faster. I need to give myself permission to step back, re-charge my batteries, and allow the process to take me over again.
I have no doubt that God’s blessed me with experiences to share with others. It isn’t that I’m all that special, but my Lord in Heaven certainly is. But God even told Elijah in 1 Kings 17 to beat-feet it from where he was, hide east of the Jordan, and allow the ravens to feed him for a season.
I’m excited about the prospect of writing again soon, but I’m more excited about doing it in the timely manner that God has set for me. When I am in obedience with my time, I don’t experience whams … and I’m ready to experience a non-wham existence for a while.
Please know this is not good-bye . I’ll still be out here … maybe as much as I ever was. But I need to make sure my motives are pure. Thanks for your support … and prayers if you’re so inclined.
(BTW) I am open to revisiting the subject matter that’s stymied me of late … but I’ll need to check my motives first.