My Journey in Healing

I recently learned of the passing of Melody Beattie, an author whose books on codependency started my healing journey. Though her work is secular, she attributed her healing to her relationship with God. The way in which she was transparent in using her own examples of heartache and loss got my attention.

I started with Jesus

I met Jesus while on my knees in a small Northwest Ohio church. But I fell in love with him years later in a church south of Cleveland. If you’ve heard my story, you know bad choices filled my years with hidden brokenness. When my love for Jesus became larger than anything else, life for me began to change.  My heart was ready to heal. I wanted to give everything over to God, but I didn’t know how.

How can it be that my journey in healing and my deep relationship with Christ began with Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More? Share on X

Back to Beattie

Back in the 90s, I found my way to a 12-step group for codependency (CoDA) and learned how to set boundaries. From there, I went to scripture. There, I was able to take in all of God’s love for me and how I was worthy of his plans for my life. Having the ability to take in his love was an experience I never had in the past. This love led me to be a Christian speaker and author. I reveled in experiencing the joy and peace I had found in my relationship with Christ and through that, the healthy friendships I’ve gained. Through God’s healing hand, my heart was refurbished; it’s been made whole. The healing was all about Jesus, but it didn’t start there. My healing began with another relationship. It began when I picked up a book from Melody Beattie.

A Self-Help Book …

Melody Beattie’s written over a dozen books dealing with codependency. Her first book Codependent No More sold over seven million copies. She shared how she fought her own battles with addiction (alcohol, drugs, and relationships), broken marriages (four), and loss (young son died from a skiing accident), with a beautiful transparency that had the power to reach the most walled-off heart.

For a Christian?

Codependency–losing sight of your own life only to be swept up into the drama of others–can be a trap for many Christians. We love serving others. That’s the model Jesus set for us. This is the place in relationships–how to serve with healthy people–that I needed help. While Jesus instructs us to love and care for one another, he also shows us the importance in setting boundaries in relationships.

On February 27, at 10 pm, my beautiful mother, Melody Beattie, passed away. She died peacefully at home, surrounded by family and loved ones. My mother was never afraid to die. “Why should I be? I’m going to see God, I’ll be reunited with your brother, and I’ll finally get to meet my favorite person, Moses.” 
-NICHOLE BEATTIE

I totally missed the boundary lesson at church. After reading Codependent No More I understood my need to break old patterns, maintain healthy boundaries, and say no to unhealthy relationships. That’s when I finally understood codependency. From there, I was able to see yet another piece of my brokenness. Relief swept over me when I was able to offer my codependency up to Jesus’s healing touch.

Isn’t that sacrilegious?

Because I came to understand the trappings of codependency, I began to see God’s desire to heal that part of my heart. I realized to had the type of relationship with God that I wanted. That’s what I want … a relationship with God. To worship him as he is due. I know I needed to change my focus from fixing everyone’s problems to letting God be the savior to me and others.

“Worrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie,

Truth began falling in place for me. Only God could heal my heart and the attempts I took–my need to control–only caused me more pain. I realized I needed to let God … be God. Once I accepted I couldn’t control the world around me, I was able to let God’s plan for my life unfold. I could trust that plan, because it was God’s and not mine.

I still struggle

I still struggle with codependency. It’s an addition like any other in that a person is never healed–addictions are only managed.  That means I watch for my triggers. When I see myself reacting instead of responding, I know I need to double my efforts in connecting with God. I do this by leaning into scripture while praying for God’s guidance, wisdom, and peace. And if I don’t hear from my Savior, I enter a period of fasting.

A word of warning

When people turn to self-help books, they need to do it with great caution. Healing only comes from a relationship with Christ. Jesus’s words from John 14:6 (“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”) are still the balm that heals hurting souls. This verse offers a clear and achievable path to freedom and a lifetime of hope and happiness. I will be forever thankful that Jesus rescued me from the darkness of sin from codependency that surrounded me.

If God can use the words of a donkey to speak to Balaam, he can use the words of a heart-broken mother and self-described high school drug and alcohol addict to help others find their path to Christ. Stranger things have happened.

There’s More

Read how God used my own 10-day tragedy to bring me to a peace which transcends all understanding, about the aspects of healing after tragedy. What do you wonder about?  Are you happy … or are you doing what you never thought you’d do? Do you see consistencies … or are you all over the place? Drop me a line. I’d love to chat.

Struggling to find good in your life? Check out my award-winning book, God’s Best During Your Worst, or check out any of my other books on my Book page.