It May Be Challenging Now

Time may seem like it stands still until you look back over the years. You may think preparing for school is challenging now, but try … oh, please try … to embrace each day. When I look back over different times in my life, this is what I found.

August 1983

The cool air stirred and long sun rays of morning greeted us as we walked the long driveway to meet an unknown world. It took everything in me to stop from crying.

“Today will be a great day!” I said, with too much pep in my voice. I wanted to make sure I told him all he needed to know for this special morning. “You’ll meet new people and it’ll be terrific!”

We continued to walk, hand in hand as we always had in the past. He stopped, looked up into my eyes, and with a sober voice, “It is a great day, right, Mommy?”

Little Sis skipped along singing Great day, It’s gonna be a great day … She had no idea the somberness of this moment. But how could she? How could she know what it felt like to lose a firstborn into an Unknown World?

Soon the bus pulled up and stopped, throwing open its doors. Big Brother climbed what seemed to be oversized steps as he entered the bowels of the yellow-orange bus that would take him away. I watched from the driveway as he found a seat by the window and settled in for the ride. The top of his head was all I could see as the bus wheezed, jerked a bit, and then drove away.

Tears washed my face all the way home. Once inside, Little Sis and I filled our morning with lots of nothing special, passing the time until Big Brother returned. When we caught a glimpse of the big yellow-orange bus turning the corner to approach our house, we ran out to greet him. Once off the bus, we smothered him with hugs and kisses. Big Brother walked differently on the way home–a bit taller, his shoulders, a bit straighter. He had faced the giant called Kindigar’n and had stories to tell!

I survived the first day of school.

August 1984

Once again, the three of us walked down the long driveway. As before, I did everything I could not cry. This time, Big Brother held Little Sis’s hand as we strolled along.

“Today’s a great day!” Big Brother told his sister. “I did this last year. You’ll be great.”

It was Little Sis’s turn to square her shoulders when the yellow-orange bus pulled up. Without a look back, she marched up the huge steps just as Big Brother prepared her to do. She trusted him. They were together and would be fine.

I walk back to the house alone. All morning, I walked from one room to another, trying to fill the emptiness with some pretense of purpose.

That afternoon, the yellow-orange bus pulled to our stop. Big Brother and Little Sis came bounding down the steps. My arms ached just a bit for the babies who had grown up so quickly. But I’d made it. I survived my second first day of school.

August 1995

My baby … Youngest Boy … and I sat on the front steps of our new home and waited for the yellow-orange bus. Youngest Boy’s older siblings were already arguing about getting the best seats on the bus. But Youngest Boy and I stayed apart, getting a sense of what was in store for each of us.

“Today’s a great day,” I bumped his shoulder with mine, hoping my peaceful demeanor would give him confidence.

“Really Mommy, a great day?”

“One of the greatest ever!” I hugged Youngest Boy close.

Too soon the yellow-orange bus stopped in front of the house and my three gifts from God rambled up the steps, with Youngest Boy needing some assistance. Tears flowed once again as I watched the bus round the corner and drive out of sight. I sighed, went back into the house, and drank my coffee.

I had survived my last first day of school.

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August 2012

Driving to work this morning, I watched from my car as mommies walked their young ones to the different bus stops along my route. I saw them wipe tears away as they did their best to ready their precious babies to meet their own Unknown World. I reflected on my own firsts. Then it hit me: Today I am facing the first day in twenty-nine years when I don’t have a child experiencing some kind of school.

The days of elementary, middle, high school, or college–have left me behind.

For a fleeting moment, I longed for just one more shopping trip to pick out the perfect backpack, the most awesome outfits, or the most confusing calculator.

In a blink

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that I watched a big yellow beast carry my sweet ones into a new season of their lives. I can still see the top of Big Brother’s head through the bus window, the squared shoulders of Little Sis as she marched into her future, and the tenderness of Youngest Boy as he struggled with mastering the bus steps.

I think I’m going to text my three children and let them know that I’m very proud of them. They have met their Unknown World and survived …

And I did, too.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens
Ecclesiastics 3:1

 
Reposted from August 22, 2012. 

What say you?

What do you wonder about?  Are you happy … or are you doing what you never thought you’d do? Do you see consistencies … or are you all over the place? Drop me a line. I’d love to chat.

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