Yet I Fret

work in progress

Jesus Loves Me, written by Anna Bartlett Warner (1860)

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak but he is strong

Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

Why do I try to control things around me? I wish I put more focus on what’s really important.

I have more on my plate now than I’ve had for years. While working a full-time job I’m also blogging, building my social platform, serving with my church, writing a new book and seeking a publisher for one already written.

Oh yeah, and I’m scheduled for an MRI next week to see if my brain tumor’s back.

I know the verses that tell me Jesus loves me—I know the songs. Yet I fret. Is it control I’m seeking? Having a brain tumor again could mess things up. Some of what I want is God-centered. I want to continue sharing how he pulled me out of the muck and mire I had crawled into. But some of what I want is purely selfish. I have children and a husband I want to enjoy.

While I waffle between doing what’s right and wrong, at least I can find comfort knowing I’m not alone in the struggle. Apostle Paul—the Rock Star of the New Testament—talked about that very thing in Romans 7. I like the way The Message reads:

“… For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” (vs 17-20)

Today I’m going to focus on the fact that Jesus loves me. The brain tumor is either there or it isn’t. Fretting over it won’t help. But focusing on Jesus can. Why—because the Bible tells me so.

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