Waiting

Oreo 1My dog, Oreo, was a master at waiting. But for me, waiting–especially for medical news–is the worst. It’s where you’re stuck in limbo between reality and fantasy. Will test numbers show the tumor’s back or will it still be gone? Will the MRI come back clean or will there be a cloud we need to address? Without a doubt, waiting’s the worst.

April’s been a hotbed of emotion for me since my brain surgery. That’s the month I was diagnosed with meningioma. That’s when doctors told me I needed to get my affairs in order. That’s when there could have been a period at the end of my life’s sentence.

There’s nothing mysterious or magical about April, it’s just the month when I no longer need to wait. In a few weeks I go in for my annual MRI to make sure everything’s where it needs to be in my brain and nothing is there that shouldn’t be. But until then as long as I don’t hear bad news, I can claim everything is as it should be—perfect.

But will it stop being perfect in April? Will unwanted or undesirable news move my condition out of the “Perfect” column and into the “I’m sorry to have to tell you …” column? It’s hard to say. So I wait for the news.

Waiting for news is the worst.

 

 

3 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. You are so right! Even when the news is bad, at least a plan can be made. When everything’s up in the air, it’s so difficult not to dwell. I haven’t figured out the secret to relieve that anxiety, let me know if you ever to! I’m praying for good news for you (:

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Kim, for the reply. Waiting can take on a life of its own, can’t it? My goal is to start each day being thankful and anticipating the gifts God has waiting for me. Sometimes I meet my goal, but sometimes I don’t. If I don’t, I try to start the next day being thankful.

      It’s a start. And it helps. But you’re right, too. Bad news sometimes seems worse than no news. Planning is impossible with no news.

      Praying for your news days, too!

      Liked by 1 person

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